Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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