I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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