I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
