My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
