he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
