More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize