Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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