So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
