Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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