I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
