Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
