i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
