a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize