I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize