Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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