I cut my penus on the lid.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm always down for nudity.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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