I am in a vortex of obligation.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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