I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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