someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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