did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
