i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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