Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
