i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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