Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
