I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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