He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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