he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
