i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
