All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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