i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
