areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I want to make a zoo with you.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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