Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
