I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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