My liver just broke up with me...
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
