my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
