I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Randomize
