batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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