Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
