I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize