I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
