the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
