I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
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