I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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