PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
