this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
