she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
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