my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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