i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
