Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize