Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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