I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
