Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
