ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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