I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Randomize
