I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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