mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I accidentally had phone sex last night
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
