mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
