Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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