I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwadâ€
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