I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
