Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
