38 yer olds are good kisserssss
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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