everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize