If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
