why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
