Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she told me i tasted like america
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize