oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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