1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
