Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
