we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize